Baby

Dear Neeraj Pandey, 

Your film 'A Wednesday' was path breaking cinema. You followed it with a loophole filled 'Special 26'. Now, with 'Baby' you give us a visual treat but with no screenplay or editing. Resulting in a better version of agent vinod.

The film is about a group of elite agents who fly around the world in business class with no purpose. Until, they decide to kill the villain - osama style (this point comes around 2 hours later in the film). The next 40 minutes are pacy as its inspired from Argo but at 159minutes Baby should have seriously considered its screenplay before booking their tickets for Turkey, Nepal or Saudi Arabia.

I think your screenplay writer was blowing your editor while taking inspiration from films like Zero dark thirty and D-Day. Then, suddenly while shooting the film Argo released and you decided to prolong the film by giving it some story in the last 20mins.

How does Akshay know all escape routes is beyond belief and why does the saudi cop investigate when he wants our heroes to escape ? Why did your editor didnt suffer from premature ejaculation so that he could have cut the damn film ?

But, the movie has its gritty moments. Like the scene where Akshay chokes a Terrorist informer Or Tapsee pannu's brilliant action set piece or the visual treat shot in the Gulf deserts. The film is on par with Hollywood. Its too bad that we dont spend that money on Scriptwriters. Good scriptwriters then have to write blogs for free :)

Akshay is subtle and the director has achieved not making him chuckle in any scene but hasnt Akshay played something similar in Holiday. 

Other actors are all in special appreances but Anupam Kher, Tapsee & Sushant Singh stand out.

Overall, Baby is a good 1 time watch. The director is heading in the right direction since its not housefull or humshakals but it aint Wednesday also. Expectations from the director pulls down a well made film.

Rating - **half

Alone

Dear Bhushan Patel,

Your film Ragini MMS2 was fun since we got to see Sunny leone in a more sexier avatar then her respective porn tapes. But with ALONE, you try to do the same thing by making a film on child molestation where Bipasha is molesting Karan singh grover.

The film revolves around a mediocre Korean film's DVD called Alone (wow) which reached your office or was downloaded (cheapness ki hadd hogi). Then you thought of how to make it indianised (which is to put sex of first base level + tantric mumbo jumbo + raaz1 chitaah jalaying climax). then you decided to sign the queen of b-grade horror films in india and shoot the film in Kerela (whether it makes sense for a bengali heroine to be born in Kerela is beyond ordinary thinking). Then get a hero who exposes more than the heroine and viola our Indian version of a Korean horror film is complete.

Only 1-2 scenes are genuinely scary but it pisses you off that the ghost comes only at night when the heroine is sleeping in her panties (i didnt complain when the director did the same thing with sunny leone). Then, there are funny sequences where the ghost is so horny that it starts fucking the hero as soon as it possess' the heroine. The tantric mantras are so cliche, there should be a ban on tantrics in hindi films (bw i swear i heard the tantric saying vikram bhatt in his mumbo jumbo. Nicely played). And why would the film have a chitah jalaying sequence (only to give the ghost Bipasha - a 70bulb finish)

Bipasha is the same from the time she did Ajnabee. Age is finally catching up to her bra size. 

Karan Singh Grover is good as Jhonny Bravo. I feel bad for him when he is attacked by a horny cougar like Bips.

Overall, Alone is a cheap thrill, not for its horror but its funny take on a Korean ok-ok film. The twist in the climax is good but i would prefer to see a repetation of Conjuring than watch this film. (Bw they did repeat the Conjuing exorcism scene in this film. Remember Ragini MMS2 had it as well. How assholic). Please think original or copy it better. Dont watch this film alone, watch it with a bunch of friends and have a hearty laugh.

Rating - *half

10 best films of 2014

Firstly, this list has been very difficult to compile since there was an acute shortage of good films this year but i have still managed to list the 10 best films of 2014 irrespective of its budget or the money it made or whether it was liked by critics or not. If anyone has an objection to the list then they can kiss my ass. Lets begin.. 

1. Queen

If content & entertainment is what you are looking for, then Queen was the film of the year 2014. This Vikas Behl directed film, follows a dumped simple bride travelling around europe with hilarious misadventures on her stag honeymoon. Kangna's brilliant performance revived her career and made this film into a modern day cult classic. Dont miss the outstanding 'hungama ho gaya' song.

2. Haider

The genius of Vishal bhardwaj is back with a bang bang. With Haider, Vishal completes his trilogy of shakesperian tragedies. So, Haider might not be as rustic as Maqbool or as processed as Omkara but it holds its own poetic charm. Vishal's Hamlet is based on the backdrop of the Kashmiri insurgency and it brilliantly crafts the story where you feel for the anti national characters. Shahid delivers a stunner of a performance especially his monologue. Tabu is fantastic and you are left amazed at her talent. Watch out for the grave diggers and Irfaan khan, who will give you goosebumps and nightmares.

3. Dedh Ishqiya

The lovable Khalu & Babban return, only to be duped by a worn out Queen and her lesbian partner. Abhishek choubey's Dedh Ishqiya is as brilliant as its original but its heavy Urdu dialogues left audiences struggling to read the subtitles. Because of these lazy audiences, this film bombed and may be we wont be seeing another installment of this awesome franchise. Watch out for Vijay raaz's sublime performance.

4. Maardani

Who says third time isn't lucky ? Rani Mukherjee's third attempted come back after Laga chunri & Hadippa has finally made it worth for her to marry into Yashraj. The gritty thriller about a hard-ass cop solving the girl trafficking network in india, is neatly made and brilliantly portrayed. Rani's performance makes you stand up and notice (can she get a national award Adi ?). Watch out for the young negative villain in Tahir Bhasin

5. Katiyabaaz

If you havent seen this gem, then please download it immediately. The film is a documentary about Kanpur's electric supply and the people who steal electricity, these mordern day robin hoods of electricity are known as Katiyabaaz. In the film you have the government electric board run by a strict IPS woman and on the other hand you have a foul mouthed Loha singh. Both parties are flawed and correct at the same time. But eventually you feel for the people of Kanpur who are electricity deprived for 16 hours a day throughout the year. The film was pain stakingly made in 2 years and shot brilliantly without judging anyone. Watch out for Loha Singh's candid conversation with his mother.

6. Ugly

The master of dark human relations returns with his most sinister film yet. Anurag kashyap's Ugly is dark, edgy and disturbing because it deals with a young girl's kidnapping and its aftermath. Its not as entertaining as Wasseypur or Dev D but Ugly makes you think and ponder like Paanch. The film sticks and makes you wonder about the other numerous possibilities of the director's reasoning. Watch out for Girish Kulkarni's brilliance as inspector Jadhav.

7. Filmistaan

Ok so cliche is good, if done properly. India vs pakistan has been done to death but what if a die hard filmi is kidnapped by Terrorists. Filmistaan is this years 'tere bin laden'. Even though its not perfect, its super fun except for its climax. Watch out for Sharib Hashmi shooting his own ransom video. Hilarious.

8. Hasee toh phasee

Rom com with some meaning. Wow !! Dharma is getting better. (Remembers Gori tere pyar mein.. May be not). Hasee toh phasee is like the old hugh grant movie charm - cute candyfloss stuff where the groom falls in love with the bride's mad sister. Parineeti as the drug induced genius is absolutely fab. She out does her cousin sister is this film (especially when her sister is doing a film like Gunday). Watch out for the CID spoof in the film.

9. Ankhon Dekhi

Rajat Kapoor gave us this years best small film with Ankhon Dekhi, about a man who one fine day decides to believe only in things he would see. Sanjay mishra as the complicated common man excels and proves that he is not just the funny comedian. The film's second half faulters and the climax just goes downhill but the promise of the film's making helps you forget the flaws. Watch out for Sanjay Mishra asking the maths teacher about infinity

10. Ragini MMS 2

Many people would crucify me to include this film in the list but where would you see a ghost attacking people in a sexy lingerie ? Or a girl walking around a haunted mansion in her panties ?. Ragini MMS 2 gave you all that and more. Sex, erotica, laughable horror and baby doll, what else can you ask for in this paisa vasool horrex. With cleavage hanging in the open in every scene including sunny's exorcism, you get every bit of the cheap thrill you desired from the film, which made Sunny leone the object of desire for our wet day-dreams. Watch out for the bathroom make out scene.